Mr. Moore’s Weekly Pop-10

Week One: The NBA Hipster

Baron Davis and Steve Nash

Baron Davis and Steve Nash

Who will make the playoffs? Which rookie will have the best career? Will the Wizards make the playoffs before Snooki becomes a grandmother? These are all important questions that we at the Academy try to tackle through serious analysis. However, once in a while it’s nice to take a step back from the intensely analytical atmosphere in order to indulge in the mind-numbing madness of pop culture. Enter the “Weekly Pop-10”, your newest guilty pleasure addressing all things entertainment.

Over the last few seasons the media has become increasingly aware of the “NBA Hipster”. While the description certainly fits some players, not every fashionista is a real hipster. Not that that’s a bad thing. In fact, true hipsters hate nothing more than being labeled as such. This week, we will be analyzing the style of 10 NBA players to determine whether or not they really are an “NBA Hipster”.

10) Tony Parker

"What's PBR?"

“What’s PBR?”

Verdict: No.

Why? The 30-year-old Frenchman shows promise in his thick-rimmed court goggles, but there are a few reasons why he just doesn’t cut it. First, his eyewear serves an actual function. Second, his marriage to Eva Longoria was way too mainstream. Too bad she sponsored Heineken Light instead of PBR.

Hipster Scale: 36/100

9) Amar’e Stoudemire

"Still got steez"

“Still got steez”

Verdict: No.

Why? Bear with me on this one. Although many consider Amar’e to be one of the biggest hipsters in the league, I beg to differ. Aside from the trademark thick-rimmed glasses, the Knicks’ big man actually looks too good to be a real hipster. While his outfits may be outrageous at times, they tend to tie together. I’d be less surprised to see him in GQ than a coffeeshop.

Hipster Scale: 44/100

8) James Harden

"The Thunder were becoming too mainstream"

“The Thunder were becoming too mainstream”

Verdict: Yes.

Why? Born into the NBA alongside Westbrook and Durant, Harden was destined for hipsterdom. But with a beard like his, the phenom’s hipster status stands on its own. Oh, and that photo was totally taken from a Mac.

Hipster Scale: 84/100

7) Michael Beasley

"Neff said"

“Neff said”

Verdict: No.

Why? But what about the glasses? The crazy t-shirt? The self-obsession associated with taking self-pics in the mirror? Surely Beasley should qualify as a hipster. Well, not exactly. A scenester, yes. A hipster, no. The bright colors in the shirt and glasses, and the way the picture was shot are all indicative of “scene” (the pointless spawn of “emo”). Come on, get your trends straight.

Hipster Scale: 24/100

6) Nick Young

"You've probably never heard of my internet TV show"

“You’ve probably never heard of my internet TV show”

Verdict: Yes.

Why? That shirt.

Hipster Scale: 67/100

5) Kevin Love

"The only thing more obscure than my injuries is my taste in music"

“The only thing more obscure than my injuries is my taste in music”

Verdict: Yes.

Why? Though not always committed to the role, the picture above is proof that Love is capable of epitomizing “hipster”. The moustache. The glasses. The irony that this wimpy looking guy is actually a beast. It all fits. In fact, throw in some ear gauges and he’s a dead ringer for half of downtown Annapolis.

4) Rajon Rondo

Hipster Scale: 74/100

"I've moved on to M84 and Elephant 7"

“I’ve moved on to M84 and Elephant 7”

Verdict: Yes.

Why? When Rondo first entered the NBA in 2006, he was pretty underground. The 21st pick in the draft started only 25 games his rookie season. Nowadays, the on-court moves of this NBA champion are less predictable than a Gary Busey interview. And although he looks more like a pro skater than a hipster (or an NBA All-Star for that matter), Rondo’s “yes” verdict is more about playing differently than dressing differently. And for Rondo, different is good.

Hipster Scale: 71/100

3) Ricky Rubio

"¿Qué significa 'hipster'?"

“¿Qué significa ‘hipster’?”

Verdict: No.

Why? This is a tricky one. He’s got the beard, he’s got the hat, and he’s got the glasses. Must be a hipster, right? Nope. He’s just European.

Hipster Scale: 40/100

2) Baron Davis

"I read my single-speed to Pitchfork shows"

“I ride my single-speed to Pitchfork shows”

Verdict: Yes.

Why? The mark of a true hipster, Baron Davis dressed like this before it was cool. While some players rock thick-rimmed non-prescriptions, beards, or beanies, Davis commits to all three. The 33-year-old guard is the godfather of eccentric NBA style.

Hipster Scale: 91/100

1) Russell Westbrook

"Siri and I are friends in real life"

“Siri and I are friends in real life”

Verdict: Yes.

Why? If it weren’t for Westbrook, NBA fashion would be much less…ridiculous. And if “unconventional” is what you are looking for, then the 24-year-old star rarely dissapoints. If not, then too bad. Because when you are a top player on a top team, the rules don’t apply. That’s the difference between “silly” and “trendsetter”. Consider how MJ’s desire to wear baggier shorts forever changed the NBA uniform. If the desire had belonged to, say, Michael Ruffin instead, we’d still be stuck with short-shorts.

Hipster Scale: 94/100

But what about…

Glen Davis? 60/100. Javale McGee? 54/100. Andre Igoudala? 68/100. Lebron James? 52/100. Kevin Durant? 75/100. Steve Nash? 88/100. Carmelo Anthony? 56/100. Dirk Nowitzki? Just European. Joakim Noah? Just weird.

JM

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Posted on December 20, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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